Peace and good! I would like to recount how I understood that the spiritual director that the Lord put in front of me was the correct one.
I would like to begin by saying that I have always walked a journey of faith ever since I was a child, thanks to the experience and advice of many priests that I have known, although I had never really felt the need for a true director. Growing up, my spiritual needs changed, and I began to feel the need to undertake a journey of serious vocational discernment. I did not even know what a spiritual director was! But, the Lord knows our needs and He Himself provides for them, as Sacred Scripture reminds us in a passage that was pointed out to me “I will give you shepherds according to my own heart, who will shepherd you wisely and prudently” (Jer 3:15). And for me, that’s how it was! I did not even know who my current director was, Sr. Veronica from the pfsgm, except for some posts that she made on social media.
It happened that, in a moment of difficulty, I felt the need to speak with someone, so I wrote to her! She was immediately very willing to listen, to be attentive, present, encouraging, constant, clear, simple, and professional. Also, the most encouraging thing was that she lived out everything that she told me! Her advice was not absurd or strange, although at times difficult to put into practice. She made it all possible and above all tangible with the example of her life.
However, since human nature is fragile and perhaps due to a little temptation from the devil, I had some doubts – thinking that she probably just wanted to drag me in the direction she wanted with her beautiful words. So, I asked myself: “What should I do? How can I understand if she is the right spiritual director for me?!”
I prayed very hard that the Lord would enlighten me, and the only thing I could think to do was to ask my priest for advice. One afternoon, I went to him and told him in confession about the need I felt for guidance, the vocational discernment, and the advice I had received in this regard. The surprising thing is that he advised me to do exactly the same things that my director had suggested to me, and he told me that I was right to be guided by a “spiritual mother” who, being a woman, would perhaps understand my needs better.
When I left that room, I felt as though I were hardly touching the ground because of the great joy that I felt! However, being very hesitant and always creating so many problems, I began to feel the need for further confirmation. I decided to talk about it with another priest from my parish because before becoming a priest, his life journey had been similar to mine, so I thought he would understand me. When I went to him and told him how I felt, his reaction blew me away: “NO! Don’t speak of it. You do not have this vocation, and this alleged spiritual director is making a mistake in pulling you in that direction!” it was a sharp NO. An unqualified NO that did not permit the possibility of a reply. You can imagine how I felt; I was more confused than before, discouraged, sad, and I had lost my peace. The first priest had told me one thing (the same thing that my director told me), but the other priest told me something completely different.
What to do now? Obviously, the safest weapon is prayer and the best thing to do is always to entrust yourself to God, so I prayed: “Lord, now I am facing two paths; which should I follow? Which of the two priests is right? Should I follow what the first priest told me—to continue listening to my spiritual director? Or should I accept the advice of the second priest and let it all go?! Jesus, let me understand what I have to do.” I had no other tools at my disposal other than prayer and my conscience that urged me to seek peace, as the Catechism of the Catholic Church 1784 says: “Education of conscience guarantees freedom and peace of heart.” At the first meeting I felt peace and joy; at the second meeting, so much bitterness and disappointment.
Exactly two days later, something happened that left me speechless! I received a message on my cell phone saying that the priest with whom I had spoken the second time, who had said no to me, was suddenly and urgently transferred according to the provisions of the Bishop. I couldn’t believe it! Could it get clearer than that?! The Lord, through the Bishop, had “taken away” – so to speak – one of the two options! The way forward was now only in one direction.
From that moment on I totally entrusted my life into the hands of my spiritual director who, day after day, managed to make me see things clearly with new eyes, with a new spirit. Her advice manages to perfectly espouse the thoughts of my mind to the beats of my heart. Thanks to her, I began to walk on the path that God had always traced for me. She guides me like a mother, she supports me like a sister, she stands beside me like a friend. She is indispensable. “To put it briefly: it should be a friendship that is strong and sweet, holy, sacred, worthy of God, divine, spiritual.” (cf. Francis de Sales, Philothea, I, IV)
This is the advice I want to give you, and I do it again using the words of St. Francis de Sales: “Find someone to guide you…find some capable man who can guide you and accompany you; this is the recommendation of recommendations…You will find God’s will with certainty only on the path of humble obedience.” The right spiritual director “will be a treasure of wisdom in afflictions, sadness, and falls; the balm to relieve and console hearts in spiritual diseases; he will protect us from evil and make us more stable in good; and should any infirmity strike us, he will prevent it from becoming mortal, and he will make us heal. But who can find such a friend?... Those who fear God, that is, the humble who ardently desire to advance in the spiritual life…Pray to God with great insistence…at the cost of sending an angel from heaven, he will send you a capable and faithful guide.” (cf. Philothea I, IV)
A pfsgm Aspirant