“To have courage means to move forwards despite fear.” -- St. Edith Stein
Over the years, I have understood what it means to be courageous. But, it has not been an easy course and it still isn’t. But under what aspect do I come here to speak of courage? Of risk and insecurity…
The first step that I had to take in order to get out of that thought is that I am more insecure than afraid, and despite my fragility, I’ve always been able to take steps. I believe that this is the secret, in this way, mixed with fear and insecurity, I still manage to take steps forward.
To have courage does not mean to win all of the battles, but to risk and hold in mind that if we fall, we must always get up again. This is how I live my life. I had an experience in a religious community, and I had to leave the home of my parents for something new and actually unknown. After a few years, I returned to my family for something new, but the world had changed – it was not the same as three years ago.
In those years I could not pray the rosary out loud because my insecurity consumed me, or to read the readings for Mass and the Divine Office. There were certain occasions where I wished I could just avoid myself, because who would want to live with such feelings of insecurity?
But then, when it ended I was very happy… It hasn’t always gone wonderfully for me… and it still isn’t … Because for me it is still a constant battle. When I make a mistake, I often condemn myself for my error, I always meditate on how God wants to open a way right there – that I must be humble, and without Him I am nothing, and I am not sufficient for myself.
In this way, I am daily invited to leave my own comfort and go into my fear, because to go ahead in the fear without stopping myself, is to have in mind and heart the certainty that God is with me and is giving me power because my whole life is a learning experience. Because if I don't take a risk, how will I save countless souls in Christ who need salvation and also my sanctification?
“If you do not risk something for God, you will do nothing great” (St. Louis de Montfort)
Fabiana